Life and Death: Which one will you choose?

One of the hardest and best decisions of my life was leaving an unhealthy environment. I've shared this before in conversation and I would like to share again here. I was raised in an environment where I witnessed verbal, emotional, and physical abuse between my parents and I experienced verbal, emotional, and mental abuse from loved ones. I would later learn that abuse is a common factor within both sides of my family, but no one talked about the effects over the years. From those experiences, I viewed family as the enemy. I didn't trust anyone who shared the same blood as me. What's even sadder is that I was taught to be that way from a young age.  Naturally, writing, music, magazines, and movies became my friends. Even though I accepted Christ at the age of 10, I didn't always draw to Him for inspiration. My inspiration came from my favorite celebrities. In my mind, I believed that since they didn't know me personally, they couldn't hurt me. Sad, right? I had a few people in my life who I associated with, but I only saw them at school so my time alone in my room was great for me. There was no pressure to be something that I wasn't and I felt free. But I was still caged within my surroundings. I truly understood, Maya Angelou's, infamous book, "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings." That's exactly how I felt. Caged with nowhere to go. I use to make jokes with my friends, that I was "Celie" in "The Color Purple",  "Precious", "Antwon Fisher", and so on and so on. I literally saw myself within those characters.

As time went on, I went to college and met people. Being in that environment was even worse because there was no accountability and in my mind I finally had freedom. I made good grades but I still found myself in situations that were no good and I felt that I needed to date someone to feel, "normal". I would later learn that randomly dating someone is so boring. I would rather be courted for a purpose.  Honestly, I've always believed that being "abnormal" is normal, lol (not giving in to peer pressure, being set apart from worldly pleasures, having crazy faith in the unseen, etc).  I  can remember dating briefly in high school but it wasn't anything serious. I took the situation serious, but of course it was all a game to them. I will never forget the words my mother said to me when I was having a bad attitude one day: "If you want attention, you better find it in that boy," That was death to my self-esteem. Words are powerful and it is so important to know your worth as a person. As I look back, I realized that because of what I saw as a child, that's how I viewed relationships. I literally lived out those words that were spoken over me. As a young woman, I had a responsibility to know my worth. Even though I made a decision to leave my family, I still found myself in unhealthy relationships with others. I allowed myself to endure name-calling, false accusations, mind-games, manipulation, and constant disrespect. I even encountered a situation where my privacy was invaded and I became angry and physical with the other person. That's when I became scared. Scared of myself and who I had become. I didn't know who to trust anymore and I was afraid of being an abusive person. I realized that I needed help and that I can't continue to place myself in unhealthy situations. My livelihood and worth are more important than being with people who don't value me as a person. I'm so happy to know Jesus Christ as my Savior. Even though, I didn't always acknowledge Him, He tugged on my heart so many times to remove myself from those situations. Ever since I made that one decision on January 5, 2008, the Lord has been faithful. I admit, it wasn't an easy choice because I struggled with my emotions. But the Lord has kept me through it all. He provided for me when I lacked, allowed Godly relationships to be formed, pushed me out of my comfort zone, and just simply loved me where I was. He continuously loves me unconditionally. As I write this, I feel joy because I made a decision that was best for me, not my mother, father, or anybody else. I loved myself enough to say, "no" and to trust God. Regardless, of where you start, it does not have to be the end. Anyone who is reading this, please get out of those relationships that are causing you pain. Seek help from loved ones. Go to a shelter. Write an escape plan. (I remember writing out where I was going, my important documents, etc.) Love yourself enough to get out!!! Abuse is a topic that we as Christians do not like to discuss, but we need to be more transparent and talk about it. Discussion can be the defining moment for someone's life. "Life and death are in the power of the tongue." Proverbs 18:21. Which one will you choose?



God bless.

September: Month of Divine Elevation

Today is the first day of September. I'm so thankful to have made it to another month. August, the 8th month was the month of new beginnings, new creations, and a new birth. It was a time of preparation, leaving behind the old and bringing forth the new. Now we are in the 9th month, the month of elevation. I love the spiritual meaning behind numbers so here are the following excerpts from a great book that I've been reading, "Biblical Mathematics, Keys to Scripture Numerics: How to Count the Bible" by Evangelist Ed. F. Vallowe: "The number nine speaks of FINALITY or DIVINE COMPLETENESS FROM THE LORD. NINE is the number for the FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT. NINE comes after EIGHT, which represents the NEW BIRTH. After having a good tree, the next thing to expect is good fruit from that tree. "Make the tree good, and his fruit good." (Matthew 12:33) The good fruit follows as the result of the tree being made good. The tree (man) is made good in the NEW BIRTH. As NINE follows EIGHT, so the good fruit, the FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT, follows as the result of the NEW BIRTH.

"Paul mentions NINE "fruit of the Spirit" in Galatians 5:22-23, "But the Fruit of the Spirit is 1. love, 2. joy, 3. peace, 4. longsuffering, 5. gentleness, 6. goodness, 7. faith, 8. meekness, 9. temperance: against such there is no law." In 1 Corinthians 12:8-10 Paul mentions NINE gifts of the Spirit. "For to one is given by the Spirit 1. the word of Wisdom; to another 2. the word of knowledge by the same Spirit; to another 3. faith by the same Spirit; to another 4. the gifts of healing by the same Spirit; to another 5. the working of miracles; to another 6. prophecy; to another 7. discerning of spirits; to another 8. diverse kinds of tongues; to another 9. the interpretation of tongues."

"In the law concerning the Sabbath year and what follows, there is both a picture of the NEW BIRTH and also the FRUIT OF THE SPIRIT. God said to Israel, "When ye come into the land which I give you, then shall the land keep a Sabbath unto the Lord. Six years  thou shalt sow thy field, and six years thou shalt prune thy vineyard, and gather in the fruit thereof: but in the seventh year shall be a rest unto the land, a Sabbath for the Lord: thou shalt neither sow thy field, nor prune thy vineyard." (Leviticus 25:2-4) In the same chapter they are told what they should eat in the SEVENTH, EIGHT, and the NINTH years. "And if ye say, What shall we eat the seventh year? Behold we shall not sow, nor gather in our increase: then I will command my blessing upon you the sixth year, and it shall bring forth fruit for three years. And ye shall sow the EIGHTH year, and eat of the fruit until the NINTH year; until her fruit come in ye shall eat of the old store."(verses 20-22).

In this new month, I am embracing and trusting God to elevate me to a new level and dimension in Him. These last few months have been uncomfortable, growing pains. There has been a lot of pruning and purging of old habits. I've had moments of vulnerability and stepping out on faith. Although I've experienced rejection from man, I know that it is in those moments that I've continuously trust God wholeheartedly even when I don't understand. I can recall a friend telling me last year that he had a dream where I informed him that I was pregnant. I was shocked at the revelation in the physical sense but my spirit uttered that I'm pregnant with purpose. These "labor pains" that I'm enduring is causing me to produce a new thing. I'm so excited!! Of course there's going to be some warfare as I go further but it's so worth the joy of walking in my purpose and pleasing the Lord with my obedience. I'm thankful and grateful for this time.




Peace and blessings.